April's Lesson

Has God Forsaken Me
This is a special month for me, bringing back all kinds of memories, some painful, most though, despite the pain and trauma, wonderful. Thirty-five years ago my life took on meaning, purpose and fulfillment. April was the month my child was born, the month I was truly blessed...

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This is a special month for me, bringing back all kinds of memories, some painful, most though, despite the pain and trauma, wonderful. Thirty-five years ago my life took on meaning, purpose and fulfillment. April was the month my child was born, the month I was truly blessed.

I wanted a baby so badly, and because of complications, due to health, I had had several miscarriages, many tests..etc, and was beginning to think it would never happen to me. Well, finally, it did. I remember my doctor's words as he gave us the news. "I've got good news and bad", he said "the good news is, you're pregnant, the bad news is total bed rest, so," turning to my husband, "if you can't clean, learn, if you can't cook, learn how, if you can't learn how, buy a can opener."

The date she was due was April 10th, but ten days before, I was rushed into hospital with complications. It was never clear who was more in danger, the baby or me, and for the next few days things went by in a blur. I cannot tell you the birth was easy, it was not, but as those old wives will tell us, it's the worst pain in the world, but the one soonest forgot. The first moment I held her was the best moment in my life.

So many of us are desperate...desperate for a baby, maybe, desperate for love, desperate in our loneliness, desperate for a rest, perhaps desperate on behalf of some-one we love, desperate for their happiness, desperate for someone to get well, to recover from some life threatening illness. And in our desperation, we often forget God's plan, we forget that old and very true saying..."when we mere mortals are making our plans, when we are scheming our schemes, and dreaming our dreams, the God's look down on us and smile." They, or rather I should say, He, must smile at us in our naivette, and wonder why we make so much of things sometimes.
Why, why, and oh so many why's there have been in all our lives.

Our lesson this month is about taking a look at those things we have wondered should happen, those things that have made us angry, those things that we have fought against, those things that have seemed to be so unfair, and those things that have seemed Godless.
What in your life have you fought against, or fought for?
What, in this world, not just for yourselves, but also for others, would you fight against, or fight for?
Who specifically in your life would you fight against or fight for?

There are many of us who would be reluctant to fight for anything, feeling inadequate, not able to make a difference, or perhaps simply apathetic. There are many of us who might be too eager, leaping onto the battlefield without thought or plan. There are many of us who don't fight, even when we want to, because we don't know how. Are you one of those? If so, which one, and why? We have all felt helpless at some time in our life. When did you feel helpless, and how did you handle it? How many times have you felt forsaken, that God has somehow passed you by, only to have some small reminder that He cares after all?

When I was a girl, going back and forth on the bus most days, I began to save bus tickets. Not for any particular reason, just because. Of course, I didn't tell anyone, they already thought I was crazy enough, so I kept them in brown paper bags, in my bedroom draw. Any ticket with a number seven was good, two sevens was great, three sevens....ecstasy, and if those sevens were all together at the end, well..words fail, heaven does not describe the feelings I had. Why? I had no idea. Did that fact matter? Absolutely not. Years past. I still held onto that number. Miscarriages, health problems, often feeling forsaken even though my life was so much better than many others. I still held on to that number.

More years past. My hopes and dreams wearing a little thin, perhaps it was not meant to be, perhaps it was not God's plan. And still I held on to that number.
Why? Why was the number seven so important to me? What did my soul know that I did not?
Samantha Jane was born on April 7th, 1970.
God had a plan for me after all.
Happy birthday my darling.